Being judgy - NYC neighborhoods

Every neighborhood in Manhattan has its own vibe. Here's what I think.

Harlem: “It’s seriously (better/safer/cooler) than the stereotype, I swear.” – everyone who lives in Harlem.

Upper West Side: Jewish vegetarian. Hires a “feng shui interior accessory designer” for their “boho-vibe” brownstone walkup. Orders things that aren’t on the menu. Excessively small dogs.

Upper East Side: Two thousand dollar strollers. Republicans. Moms in Lululemons. Classes called Baby Yogalates, probably. The 1%. And the .0000001%.
Midtown: Tourists wandering with Red Bus Tours maps. Drunks in Mickey Mouse costumes. The Naked Cowboy. Enough billboard lights to send me into epileptic shock.
Murray Hill: Old people I think ???
Turtle Bay: No turtles. Not a bay.

Chelsea: The new Hell’s Kitchen for the gays. $18 cocktails on rooftop bars. WORTH IT.

Stuyvesant Town: To my surprise, Not in Bedford-Stuyvesant. What?

Greenwich Village: Rich hipsters in expensive cheese shops. Tired NYU students.

East Village: Rich millennials, ramen shops, dive bars and cocaine.
Soho: The Kardashian store, tourists in $tores. Kate Spade wristlets and complicated Starbucks orders. Slightly cleaner than its surrounding area.

Little Italy: “Wow, this spaghetti is SO AUTHENTIC.” –Becky from Utah in the first Italian Trattoria off the NQR train

Lower East Side: Slightly less rich millennials. More tattoo shops.
Tribeca: Soul Cycle, juice bars, Rich white dudes with too much money (that were once FiDi bros.) Famous people.

Chinatown: Cheap dumplings and an unreasonable amount of garbage. Lots of storm cellar doors – I like to think they lead to back room Chinese mafia card games. Knockoff bags kept behind storm cellar doors.

Financial District: Home of the “FiDi Bros”. 23 year old Ivy League grads, clad in Brooks Brothers, too-shiny shoes, white Apple earbuds and a gifted Breitling “from Father”. Working at investment firms, questioning their ethos, eating lots of Mangia.